Love-Hate

I’ve had a love-hate relationship with running these passed two weeks. I have been back in a groove in terms of consistency. For about a month now, I’ve only been able to run on and off due to injury recovery time, snow and a little bit of good ol’ fashioned laziness. However, I’m back to running nearly every day and mentally, I’m loving it.

And yet…

Although I am back to running consistently, I am struggling physically. My pace is much slower than it was back in January and I am really tired. Some times it is just fatigue in my legs and other times, I have little energy. Where have my speed and gumption gone? Did I really lose them that quickly? Ugh!

I tell myself that it’s OK; that I have permission to build back up slow and steady; that no matter what pace I am running, at least I am running. I tell myself these things over and over again and one of these days, I’ll even start believing it.

It is frustrating to feel like I have been set far back from where I was and have the date of the marathon fast approaching. I’ve revised my long run, I’ll still be able to get in some good 18 and 20 miles and I know I’ll be fine (maybe not running as close to a 4 hour marathon as I was hoping but fine nonetheless). Yet, there is a little voice inside me casting doubt and bumming me out when I am struggling to complete a run.

Let me clarify this last point. I haven’t been struggling due to an injury or pain but rather my legs just feel so leaden at times. I am getting a good amount of sleep most nights, I am eating as “healthy” as I normally do (are you going to begrudge me a cookie after coming in from a 2 hour run?) and I haven’t been doing anything out of the ordinary with cross-training or strength training. My paces have been much slower. I have no way of explaining why I am so tired during so many of my runs. Even more frustrating is that it seems to come and go; when I think I have finally warmed up and found a good rhythm my legs will suddenly fill with wet sand.

As I’ve mentioned in a previous post or two, I have also been finding new routes through the surrounding neighborhoods because the bike paths that I normally run on have been impassable due to snow, ice and fallen trees.

A Tree Blocked Bike Path

Another downed tree, less than 1/2 mile away

The bamboo also got in to the blocking action

When my runs are good, I find that this spirit of discovery and exploration provides a nice spring in my step. However, when I’m struggling to run because my legs are fatigued I find new routes to be exhausting mentally. I am constantly calculating distances in my head and the questions seem endless – when should I turn around, when should I turn down a side street, how far will this road take before I have to alter my route, where will this road lead – the whole time being painfully aware of the absolute shortest route back home and a premature to my run. I find myself constantly having to convince my legs not to take that route and every turn, every side street, every unexpected hill restarts the dialogue.

And yet…

I haven’t bailed on a run yet. That’s something to be proud of and today’s run actually felt much easier. I felt more like myself out there running in the cold, wet morning. It is good to be back (and fingers crossed that it lasts).

Daily Dozen:
6 miles @ early morning

The Run that was Not To Be

A rare treat: temperature nearly 60 degrees and rainy in the middle of January. I actually didn’t believe the Weather Channel when I checked the temperature before picking out my running clothes this morning. I thought the website was glitchy and hadn’t updated properly so I went to the kitchen window to check the thermometer outside. Sure enough, it read nearly sixty degrees.

I grabbed a pair of shorts from the neglected stack. I haven’t worn shorts on a run since November. Shorts are so much easier than tights; easier to put on, easier to pull off. The thought that was literally running through my head was, “YAY!” (Confession: I may have quietly squealed “YAY!” as I got ready for my run this morning.)

I still braced myself for the cold as I stepped out on to the deck. Could it really be nearly 60 degrees outside? Impossible. However, my body and mind clenched for not reason. It felt wonderful outside with the steady rain coming down. Well, this should be fun I thought to myself as I walked around to the front of the house and as soon as I hit the sidewalk, I took off for the bike path ready for a good time in the rain.

I made it to the end of the block.

My left quad / inside thigh started to hurt immediately. My rule of thumb of pain while running is if it doesn’t affect my running gait, I can keep going but if it does, I stop immediately. I was definitely limping and the pain wasn’t going away. Images of my fun, rainy run disappeared; I turned around, shut off my GPS and walked back to the house.

Damn! I am able to (mostly) walk without pain so that is a good sign. I think it is simply a muscle strain and a few rest days will do the trick but I’ve had such a strong few weeks of running I am disappointed to have that much momentum coming to a whimpering stop in the rain.

When I got back to the house, I kicked off my shoes and decided to curl up on the couch for an hour and read. I also decided I would do some strength exercises (pushups, sit-ups, pull-ups, etc.) before jumping in the shower and getting read for the rest of my day. Even if I couldn’t run, I could still do something productive.

However, I wasn’t ready for the sheer exhaustion that would overcome me when I sat on the couch. I simply couldn’t keep my eyes open. Even after that extra hour and a half of sleep, I have been exhausted for the rest of the day. My body just feels run down. I’m not sure what message it is trying to send me; I was so pumped for the run this morning and not five minutes later, I felt utterly drained. My stomach and head are also feeling a little unsettled so maybe I am fighting something and didn’t realize it.

My plan is to taking today and tomorrow off completely and go to bed early both nights. (Sleep does wonderful, healing things. It is truly a miracle.) I’ll reassess how my leg feels but hopefully be up for the planned easy four-miler on Wednesday. Fingers crossed!

Daily Dozen:
Attempted 5 mile run and strength training – thwarted! Unscheduled rest day.

Live to Run Another Day

Some runs are worth fighting for.

Some runs are hard because my legs are tired and every step is effort of will but I know that pushing through is worth it because I need to conquer that little voice that tells me I should to just give up because it is too hard.

Some runs are just not meant to be. Today I had one of these runs.

My left quadriceps has been giving me a little trouble for the past week. It feels like a muscle strain and after a few miles of running it is sufficiently warmed up and I don't have an pain. This morning, however, it just didn't feel right and was taking too long to warm up.

I also haven't been getting the number of hours of sleep that I should for the past two or three nights. Its not that I have been sleeping poorly just that I have been staying for one reason or another and getting an hour less sleep than normal. As a result, my heart rate jumped up this morning during the first hill and stayed up. An elevated heart rate is an indication that my body hasn't been able to fully recovery and I need to listen up.

On top of these things, every step seemed to be a tremendous effort. It felt like I was running through quicksand toward the end.

This wasn't the run to show my courage and push through to the finish. I listened to my body - quad, heart and legs - and it was telling me to take a break. I need to live to run another day, not crash and burn on a training run.

And so I stopped. Without regret or guilt, I let myself cut short a run that I could have completed. It just wasn't worth tempting injury. It was a smart move and the right call, I'm proud of myself for listening to my body.

I am sacrificing the remaining 5.5 miles to the running gods in the knowledge that they have blessed me with some effortless runs, helped push me through some tough runs and will provide a great day for the upcoming marathon.

Today's Daily Dozen:
3.5 mile morning run

“Be careful. There’s a gym right around the corner.”

Each week by Thursday, I’m usually exhausted and looking forward to the rest day schedule on Fridays. Today is no exception.

As I started my run this morning, one of my first thought was, “I sure am glad I don’t have to do this tomorrow. I’m tired!” and as I tried to find a groove, my second thought was, “Ugh, I don’t want to do this. Running sucks. Maybe I should cut this run short.”

The first few minutes of short 3-milers and long, slow 19-milers have begun the same way and this 9-miler was no exception, with me analyzing the route I planned to run and trying to figure out ways to cut it short. Yet, I rarely follow through on the adjusted plans.

As I settled in to my pace, feeling every bit as tired as I did moments ago when running “sucked” I had to wonder if thinking out ways to cut a run short, adding up known distances and figuring out how I need to adjust my plans– if I take this path and jump off on to that street its 2 miles and then I’m only 1.5 miles from home if I stay on this road so that would make this a 3.5-miler – is really just my mind’s way of distracting itself. I never follow through with my, sometimes, elaborate escape routes, meaning I almost always cover the distance I had scheduled and yet I still tend to run through scenarios as I am warming up.

Often, I am thinking up ways to cut a run short until I find something else to distract me. This morning it was a women who called out as I passed, “Be careful. There’s a gym right around that corner.” I half nodded to her and sort of smiled but more or less kept going before her words hit me – “Be careful. There’s a gym right around that corner.”

What? What could that possibly mean? Why do I have to be careful around a gym? Granted, it is a boxing gym (not a “gym” gym) and I guess there are more overly-testeroned men who frequent that gym. I just never thought to be concerned about something like that. Is that woman crazy? Is she right? Have I been carelessly running past this gym at least once a week, without a concern in the world, never realize the immanent danger I was in? What would I do if a crazed boxer started chasing me? I’d run as fast as I could to that 24 hour CVS or that restaurant that always has cleaning crews inside when I run by in the morning. I’d start screaming. Yeah, yeah. Shouting is good. Really loud…

And just like that, I forgot all about planning evasive maneuvers to get around doing 9 miles this morning.

For the rest of the run my mind continued to wonder. I planned more ways to get away from the zombie boxers that were after me (yes, they eventually turned in to zombies that were chasing me) and moved on to what I planned for the coming weekends, the race on Sunday and meeting up with Kate on Saturday, what I needed to get done at work today, and various other bits and bobs that popped in to head. Before I knew it, I finished the run, even more exhausted than when I started but proud that I had completed the 9 miles and I realized two things,
1. Silly girl! Of course you finished the run. You always finish the run.
2. I’m still glad tomorrow is a rest day.
Ok, three things,
3. I still don’t know what that is supposed to mean, “Be careful. There’s a gym right around the corner”?! Lady, do you live in fear of gyms during the early morning hour? Is there something I don’t know? Regardless, good lookin’ out. You never can be too careful! Thanks!

Today’s daily dozen:
9 mile morning run
XT, 30 minutes on recumbent bike at a leisurely pace @ lunch hour