Love-Hate

I’ve had a love-hate relationship with running these passed two weeks. I have been back in a groove in terms of consistency. For about a month now, I’ve only been able to run on and off due to injury recovery time, snow and a little bit of good ol’ fashioned laziness. However, I’m back to running nearly every day and mentally, I’m loving it.

And yet…

Although I am back to running consistently, I am struggling physically. My pace is much slower than it was back in January and I am really tired. Some times it is just fatigue in my legs and other times, I have little energy. Where have my speed and gumption gone? Did I really lose them that quickly? Ugh!

I tell myself that it’s OK; that I have permission to build back up slow and steady; that no matter what pace I am running, at least I am running. I tell myself these things over and over again and one of these days, I’ll even start believing it.

It is frustrating to feel like I have been set far back from where I was and have the date of the marathon fast approaching. I’ve revised my long run, I’ll still be able to get in some good 18 and 20 miles and I know I’ll be fine (maybe not running as close to a 4 hour marathon as I was hoping but fine nonetheless). Yet, there is a little voice inside me casting doubt and bumming me out when I am struggling to complete a run.

Let me clarify this last point. I haven’t been struggling due to an injury or pain but rather my legs just feel so leaden at times. I am getting a good amount of sleep most nights, I am eating as “healthy” as I normally do (are you going to begrudge me a cookie after coming in from a 2 hour run?) and I haven’t been doing anything out of the ordinary with cross-training or strength training. My paces have been much slower. I have no way of explaining why I am so tired during so many of my runs. Even more frustrating is that it seems to come and go; when I think I have finally warmed up and found a good rhythm my legs will suddenly fill with wet sand.

As I’ve mentioned in a previous post or two, I have also been finding new routes through the surrounding neighborhoods because the bike paths that I normally run on have been impassable due to snow, ice and fallen trees.

A Tree Blocked Bike Path

Another downed tree, less than 1/2 mile away

The bamboo also got in to the blocking action

When my runs are good, I find that this spirit of discovery and exploration provides a nice spring in my step. However, when I’m struggling to run because my legs are fatigued I find new routes to be exhausting mentally. I am constantly calculating distances in my head and the questions seem endless – when should I turn around, when should I turn down a side street, how far will this road take before I have to alter my route, where will this road lead – the whole time being painfully aware of the absolute shortest route back home and a premature to my run. I find myself constantly having to convince my legs not to take that route and every turn, every side street, every unexpected hill restarts the dialogue.

And yet…

I haven’t bailed on a run yet. That’s something to be proud of and today’s run actually felt much easier. I felt more like myself out there running in the cold, wet morning. It is good to be back (and fingers crossed that it lasts).

Daily Dozen:
6 miles @ early morning